Friday, November 12, 2010

Letting Go
Well... here I am – one week later than intended... but finally here. Post # 3.
As I was saying – things that were totally vague till last week are now appearing to take some sort of nebulous shape. I feel I am getting some clarity about what to do in the next few months – where I want to be at the end of the ‘break’ in my life..
Of course, there is the long list of things I have planned to do – some travelling in villages to get a taste of rural education, first hand. Maybe learning new stuff – sketching or swimming or something, or even something totally whimsical, like joining a chocolate tasting club! (the last idea originates from a friend, acutely prone to making whimsical but tempting suggestions....)
But I did not mean any of these. Woh toh hoga. But I have started feeling that the real purpose of my break is something else.
Simply put, I think, I aim to use the break period to learn how to let go. In the true sense.
But ... before writing about letting go, I must necessarily explain why I must let go...
What do I mean by ‘letting go’? Basically - how to overcome attachment. I contemplated whether to say just ‘attachment’ or ‘undue attachment’ n the previous sentence – and stuck to the former. Because, all attachment is undue attachment... And here, if you, like Caesar in the Asterix comics, ask ‘ALL?’, the answer, emphatically, is ‘ALL.’
In a sense, by attachment here I really mean ‘moh’, which necessarily has a negative connotation.
And why so? Probably because almost all unhappiness comes from attachment - maybe to different things - power, people, possessions.
In fact, I would even argue that what we normally call ‘love’ is also nothing but attachment. For instance – can the ‘feeling’, that inspired Shah Jahan to have the Taj Mahal built in his wife’s memory, and subsequently, have the hands of the workmen mutilated to prevent replication, really be termed as ‘love’? Have a deep, hard think!
And boy! Is attachment a force to reckon with! It functions like a normal addiction. It grows on you quickly, often taking you by surprise, and soon it is so bad that it hurts like hell when you have to give it up... After all, you do not start off by being addicted to, say, power – you enjoy the work, slowly start liking having a team around to do your bidding, then a larger team, more perks and a ‘say’ up there - where it counts.... And hello! One fine morning, you feel the whiskers just below your nose...and feel the nose twitching.. you are a rat, all right... and you are definitely running in the race...
So, I think what I really would like to do at this stage is to try and purge myself of attachments, and lower the probability of life serving up doses of pain and grief... yes, I do think that is where I want to be after 6 months.
And yes – ‘letting go’ does not mean giving up.... it means detachment - it means being involved in action without expecting any pleasing writing to someone you love just because you feel like it, without expecting a reply.... or going to a birthday party just to have fun and share a special moment with your friend, without expecting interesting ‘return gifts’ (not even very very privately J)....
So yes, I want to be able to enjoy family, friends, work and life without those trappings that weigh one down... and my only fear - I just hope I do not get too attached to detachment..... ;)

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