Aunts aren't Gentlemen

For quite a few weeks now I have been itching to get back at a particular nephew of mine. And not without ample reason! He not only makes some preposterous statements on his blog, but also makes absolutely no attempt to make nephewly (yes, I just invented that word) overtures to me when I am in Delhi – steadfastly refusing to come and see me.

A small clarification here. In general aunts are of two types – and here I go by P G Wodehouse’s classification. The first category are the likes of Wodehouse’s Aunt Dahlia - the generally affable and indulgent kind, who pull the cheeks of nephews and nieces and slip a few bucks into their grubby hands when their parents are not looking. The other, more lethal kind, are the broken-bottle-chewing nephew-crushers of Wodehouse’s Aunt Agatha variety.  I like to think I belong to the Aunt Dahlia category, but when thwarted or annoyed, I can quickly turn into an Aunt Agatha at her nephew-crushing best.

In particular, I want to respond to one particular blog post of this nephew, where he waxes eloquent about the pleasures and virtues of being single… and how he is hounded by various near and  dear ones bent upon getting him married. Also, how in certain gatherings singles are looked upon with suspicion.

Well, to be honest, I give him this… he is right about the hounding relatives and the suspicious looks, but it’s quite justified. I might sound a little biased here – but for most single men, a large part of their free time is spent in drunken debauchery.  Just take a look at the pics posted on my nephew’s blog (http://deboozedabble.blogspot.com/2011/08/singularly-me_09.html) if you need proof. ‘Families’ generally don’t mix well with boisterous, single, drunk men. Haven’t you noticed, how some restaurants have clearly demarcated areas for ‘families’, so as to separate them from single men making a spectacle of themselves in an inebriated state!

And there is one thing I have noticed – men who keep claiming they want to remain single, have the tendency to suddenly go and jump into the lap of matrimony sometime between the ages of 40 and 55. The lucky(?) female usually being some bimbette they met at a party 2 weeks ago. Along with their discretion, these men suddenly lose all their astuteness, and end up marrying the most inappropriate woman. Single women, on the other hand, remain discerning throughout their life. They might remain single, but at least they don’t end up making a fool of themselves!

So, as my nephew approaches 40, I have absolutely no doubt he too will bite the bait sooner or later now – and I just have to bide my time till I receive that sms saying 'Got married to Sheila last evening' (or something of the sort), and brace myself to have that last, loud, vindicated laugh… 


Does that sound too cruel? To display so much mirth at a nephew's misfortune? But then, as Wodehouse said, Aunts aren't Gentlemen!

Simply Tintin

Last week, I revisited my childhood – I went to watch The Adventures of Tintin. Aajkal toh combo-packs ka zamana hai...this too was a combo-pack of 3 Tintin stories in one – The Crab with the Golden Claws, The Secret of the Unicorn and Red Rackham’s treasure.

Sitting chomping popcorn and gobbling ice cream in the theatre, I was transported back to my childhood – when I would sit for hours with a Tintin comic in one hand, and a large supply of namkeen, chocolates and dry fruits near the other. My Ma would hover around in the background, grumbling continuously about what miracles I could have done if only I had been this attentive to studies, but I would be lost to the world, transported into the imaginary realm where I was with Tintin every step of the way in his adventures.

I would sit giggling at the goof-ups of the dumb detective duo Thomson and Thompson, smile at the antics of the hard-of-hearing Prof Calculus, and chuckle at the smart-alecky comments made by Snowy at crucial junctures. But my favourite was – you’re right, the adorable Captain Haddock, with his colourful language… ‘Billions  of blue blistering barnacles’ and ‘Ten thousand thundering typhoons’ …not to mention ‘Ectoplasm’, ‘Moth-eaten marmot’, and even ‘Logarithm’!!! :D

If only real-life curse words were so beautifully imaginative, and yet harmless!

As a child, I would have totally loved to possess the entire collection of Tintin comics, but there was only one hitch – they were expensive. I remember buying my first Tintin comic for Rs. 19 – a princely sum in the mid-seventies. And I still have a soft corner for the relative who bought me ‘Prisoners of the Sun’ which I desperately wanted, after the price had gone up to Rs. 27. But it was well worth its cost – I would read each comic a hundred times over, laughing over and over again at the same panel!

People who shared this passion automatically became dear friends. And friends who shared this passion became that much dearer! Unlike other books, nobody would easily lend a Tintin comic to even their dearest friend, though – all chances were that it would never come back.

I was addicted to Tintin till my late twenties. And while watching the movie, all the nostalgia came swooshing down on me. Immediately after the movie, I started showing withdrawal symptoms, and re-read the only one still in our possession – Destination Moon. Now I believe I am re-addicted and am contemplating buying some of them (if not the whole lot) again!

As for the movie - there were times when I wished the makers had preserved the original bits from the stories. And I found the seemingly mindless action scenes at the climax especially irritating – with machines whirring about without making any sense to me, at least. But there were lots of good things too – the 3 stories were woven together pretty seamlessly, and the all the characters looked pretty realistic in the 3-D animation. So realistic, that it was easy to forget that it was an animation film and the people walking about were not real actors!

But the thing I missed the most from the comics were the expressions that Georges Remi managed to put on the faces of his characters – no doubt he was exceptionally talented in that. The expressions on the faces of even the most insignificant of characters are done to the smallest detail. To see what I mean, take a dekko below at the 'not amused' look on the face of the disdainful llama when the Captain makes friendly overtures to it in Prisoners of the Sun! And then, the Captain keeps getting harassed by llamas repeatedly throughout the story, and then, finally, at the end, gets his revenge by spraying water on the face of a llama. The expression on the face of that hapless llama is totally priceless! :) (I could not find that image on the net, and I don't have the comic, but that look is just stuck to my memory!!) Absolutely CLASSIC! And that kind of million-dollar-expressions were missing in the movie!

The disdainful and 'not amused' expression on the face of the llama as the Captain tries to make friendly overtures to it...

I also happened to watch RaOne a few weeks ago. I noticed there were definitely more kids in the auditorium for that movie than for Tintin. I can imagine how today's kids, exposed to mindless violence and blood and gore through TV, films and even animation films, must be identifying so much more with RaOne with its 'ultimate villain' than with Tintin, embodying 'ultimate goodness'.


Sad. I for one definitely believe that today's kids need much higher doses of Tintin and the like, and lower doses of films showing inane violence... though I doubt many youngsters will agree with me...  

The Teen Commandments

In September this year, Amartya, my son, touched that magic number that he thinks allows him to drive, vote, and be legitimately defiant and rude towards parents. Yes, he turned 18.

We had thought there would be some changes once he turned 18. There is some change, but not the kind we expected! He continues in the same vein as before, and is simply more righteous about it… :-/

If he could hand us down 10 commandments on his 18^th birthday, this is how they would go:

1. Thou shalt NOT try to wake me up. Period. At 6 am, 9 am, 1 pm or any other time. I will wake up EXACTLY when I want to. And this goes for ALL days – holidays AND the days I have college.

2. Thou shalt NOT try to ask me about my attendance in class, assignments or exams. You shalt be duly informed if I flunk or have insufficient attendance.

3. Thou shalt make thyselves invisible when my friends are visiting. This goes for Ananya too - if possible lock her up in the toilet when my friends are visiting. Of course, it goes without saying that my friends and I shalt need a regular supply of snacks – I leave it to thee to figure out how to supply the snacks whilst thou continue to be invisible.

Teen Commandment #3: Thou shalt make thyselves invisible when my friends are visiting.

4. Thou shalt NOT ask unto me where I am going when I step out. Ask no difficult questions and thou shalt hear no lies. (This part goes for the next commandment too)

5. Thou shalt NOT ask unto me totally silly, irrelevant, and absolutely unanswerable questions - like ‘What time will you be back from the party?’

6. Thou shalt drop me (and pick me up) at/from wherever I want, and at any time I want - be it 6 in the morning, or 12 midnight, with a smile and without even a little hint of a grumble.

7. Thou shalt buy me my own vehicle ASAP after my 18^th birthday – it is my birthright, and moreover, all my friends have one.

8. Thou shalt not make ridiculous and irrational demands of me - like asking me to put my dirty clothes in the laundry basket instead of strewing them about in creative formations in and around my room.

9. Thou shalt not make even more ridiculous and absolutely irrational demands of me – like asking me to keep within the speed limit when I am driving.

10. In case any of the above commandments are violated, I shalt hold full rights to argue my case with extreme vehemence and without any heed to the words thou speaketh. And hence the last commandment: Thou shalt concede any argument that we have in my favour.

So you see, touching the magic number didn’t really convert him magically into a serious and responsible adult.

But there is hope. He has actually started doing his assignments. Sometimes he actually cleans up his cupboard. And occasionally he comes into our room to discuss the pros and cons of various prospective careers with his dad.

Lagta hai ab Dilli door nahin…