The Teen Commandments

In September this year, Amartya, my son, touched that magic number that he thinks allows him to drive, vote, and be legitimately defiant and rude towards parents. Yes, he turned 18.

We had thought there would be some changes once he turned 18. There is some change, but not the kind we expected! He continues in the same vein as before, and is simply more righteous about it… :-/

If he could hand us down 10 commandments on his 18^th birthday, this is how they would go:

1. Thou shalt NOT try to wake me up. Period. At 6 am, 9 am, 1 pm or any other time. I will wake up EXACTLY when I want to. And this goes for ALL days – holidays AND the days I have college.

2. Thou shalt NOT try to ask me about my attendance in class, assignments or exams. You shalt be duly informed if I flunk or have insufficient attendance.

3. Thou shalt make thyselves invisible when my friends are visiting. This goes for Ananya too - if possible lock her up in the toilet when my friends are visiting. Of course, it goes without saying that my friends and I shalt need a regular supply of snacks – I leave it to thee to figure out how to supply the snacks whilst thou continue to be invisible.

Teen Commandment #3: Thou shalt make thyselves invisible when my friends are visiting.

4. Thou shalt NOT ask unto me where I am going when I step out. Ask no difficult questions and thou shalt hear no lies. (This part goes for the next commandment too)

5. Thou shalt NOT ask unto me totally silly, irrelevant, and absolutely unanswerable questions - like ‘What time will you be back from the party?’

6. Thou shalt drop me (and pick me up) at/from wherever I want, and at any time I want - be it 6 in the morning, or 12 midnight, with a smile and without even a little hint of a grumble.

7. Thou shalt buy me my own vehicle ASAP after my 18^th birthday – it is my birthright, and moreover, all my friends have one.

8. Thou shalt not make ridiculous and irrational demands of me - like asking me to put my dirty clothes in the laundry basket instead of strewing them about in creative formations in and around my room.

9. Thou shalt not make even more ridiculous and absolutely irrational demands of me – like asking me to keep within the speed limit when I am driving.

10. In case any of the above commandments are violated, I shalt hold full rights to argue my case with extreme vehemence and without any heed to the words thou speaketh. And hence the last commandment: Thou shalt concede any argument that we have in my favour.

So you see, touching the magic number didn’t really convert him magically into a serious and responsible adult.

But there is hope. He has actually started doing his assignments. Sometimes he actually cleans up his cupboard. And occasionally he comes into our room to discuss the pros and cons of various prospective careers with his dad.

Lagta hai ab Dilli door nahin…

Redefining Probability? Probably.

I am knee-deep in random experiments. Amartya, my teenaged son has his 12^th grade exams coming up, and he seems to have found a simple rebuttal to my ‘Don’t you plan to study’ refrain. It is the simple and effective retort ‘Why don’t you study and teach me? Aren’t you supposed to be a math teacher?’

I have rechristened this simple and ingenious strategy to keep a nagging parent at bay as 'Bayes' Theorem' ... you see, I am studying Probability...

Anyway, my own continued trials and tribulations with my teen terror has inspired me to rethink many of the other terms and examples used in Probability, too. Here are some:

Random Experiment: is defined as an experiment that can be repeated numerous times under the same conditions. Some examples are: the tossing of a coin, the throwing of a die, or calling Amartya every morning to try and get him out of bed.

Now, it should be easy to understand why a random experiment is also known as a ‘trial’...

Subjective probability: describes an individual's personal judgement about how likely a particular event is to occur. It is not based on any precise computation but is often a reasonable assessment by a knowledgeable person.

For example, according to a reasonable assessment made by me, on any given morning, the likelihood of Amartya getting out of bed after being called once  is 0, after being called 25 times is 0.2, and after being called 75 times is 0.5.

Relative Frequency: describes the frequency at which Amartya’s various relatives (his father, sister, grandmother and me) appear in his room to try and get him out of bed.

Impossible Event: is an event that just can NOT happen, whose probability is 0. For example: the event that Amartya wakes up before 11 am on any day when there is no college, including a day immediately preceeding an exam.

Certain Event: An event that is SURE to happen, whose probability is 1. For example: the event that Amartya logs onto FB on any given day of the year, including a day immediately preceeding an exam.

Independent events: are two events that do not affect each other at all - when the probability of an event A occurring is totally independent of another event, B and vice versa.

For example: Let A be the event of Amartya spending more than 5 hours on Facebook on a given day; and B be the event of there being an exam the next day.

Then A and B are independent events - as the probability of A remains 1, it is absolutely unaffected by event B.

And I end by redefining Mutually Exhaustive events...

Mutually Exhaustive Events

The above series of 'Mutually Exhuastive Events' usually ends
 with this - a Mutually Exclusive Event.

TEEN-da-PUNCH

Well, I have already written about one of my inventions - my daughter Ananya... but so far, I have mentioned my other invention, my teenaged son Amartya, only in passing. The time has now come to let my friends and enemies know a bit more about this invention too...

You may say, 'Friends, sure, we understand - but why tell your enemies?" Let's say, it's that time of the year where you are supposed to be kind to your enemies... and in a bid to bring some cheer into the lives of those who have long suppressed their wish to boil me in oil and other such stuff, I bring this unique Christmas gift... exposing the terrific torment I undergo at the hands of my teen.

(I notice the dictionary gives four quite different meanings of 'terrific' - astounding, terrifying, frightful and splendid - here, you can choose whichever meaning you prefer, or a combo of all four....)

I will write no more... but the 6000 words below should say it all...
(using the equation: 1 picture = 1000 words)