The Teen Commandments

In September this year, Amartya, my son, touched that magic number that he thinks allows him to drive, vote, and be legitimately defiant and rude towards parents. Yes, he turned 18.

We had thought there would be some changes once he turned 18. There is some change, but not the kind we expected! He continues in the same vein as before, and is simply more righteous about it… :-/

If he could hand us down 10 commandments on his 18^th birthday, this is how they would go:

1. Thou shalt NOT try to wake me up. Period. At 6 am, 9 am, 1 pm or any other time. I will wake up EXACTLY when I want to. And this goes for ALL days – holidays AND the days I have college.

2. Thou shalt NOT try to ask me about my attendance in class, assignments or exams. You shalt be duly informed if I flunk or have insufficient attendance.

3. Thou shalt make thyselves invisible when my friends are visiting. This goes for Ananya too - if possible lock her up in the toilet when my friends are visiting. Of course, it goes without saying that my friends and I shalt need a regular supply of snacks – I leave it to thee to figure out how to supply the snacks whilst thou continue to be invisible.

Teen Commandment #3: Thou shalt make thyselves invisible when my friends are visiting.

4. Thou shalt NOT ask unto me where I am going when I step out. Ask no difficult questions and thou shalt hear no lies. (This part goes for the next commandment too)

5. Thou shalt NOT ask unto me totally silly, irrelevant, and absolutely unanswerable questions - like ‘What time will you be back from the party?’

6. Thou shalt drop me (and pick me up) at/from wherever I want, and at any time I want - be it 6 in the morning, or 12 midnight, with a smile and without even a little hint of a grumble.

7. Thou shalt buy me my own vehicle ASAP after my 18^th birthday – it is my birthright, and moreover, all my friends have one.

8. Thou shalt not make ridiculous and irrational demands of me - like asking me to put my dirty clothes in the laundry basket instead of strewing them about in creative formations in and around my room.

9. Thou shalt not make even more ridiculous and absolutely irrational demands of me – like asking me to keep within the speed limit when I am driving.

10. In case any of the above commandments are violated, I shalt hold full rights to argue my case with extreme vehemence and without any heed to the words thou speaketh. And hence the last commandment: Thou shalt concede any argument that we have in my favour.

So you see, touching the magic number didn’t really convert him magically into a serious and responsible adult.

But there is hope. He has actually started doing his assignments. Sometimes he actually cleans up his cupboard. And occasionally he comes into our room to discuss the pros and cons of various prospective careers with his dad.

Lagta hai ab Dilli door nahin…